#solostories: “All Grown Up” by Jami Attenberg

#SoloStories is our feature in which we explore books, films and TV shows that show single women navigating their lives – but romance is not the main component.      

“All Grown Up” by Jami Attenberg covers that awkward time in life – the middle ages.

In the 2017 novel, Andrea is a 40-year-old artist who wasn’t able to make a career out of her art and is stuck in a job she hates. She enjoys her freedom as a single woman and relishes living in New York City, but everything seems like a struggle.

The first chapter offers a perfect metaphor as a condo building is being constructed, obstructing her small view of the Empire State Building from her fifth-floor apartment. Her life is throwing obstacles at her – her baby niece is dying, she is growing apart with a friend –  blocking her vision of the life and joy she wants.

“Is this part of being a grown-up? Taking what you can get?” she asks.

Told as a series of vignettes, the book is funny and frustrating. There are great lines in here, like visiting a friend’s newborn: “It’s not that I don’t go care about seeing her baby, it’s that I don’t care about seeing any baby.”

Or thinking about what could have been: “It make me happier than ever that I’ve never been married and never will be, because marriage sounds like a goddamn job, and why would I want another one of those?”

You wish Andrea had more agency (why doesn’t she look for another job?), while at the same time understanding her (who has the mental and emotional energy to look for another job?).

Sometimes, her frustrations are poignant. “I want someone to see me,” she says.

The book is 197 pages, but it can be a slow read at times because Andrea’s experiences are so hard and you wish she had more joy in her life. But you also feel her for her and you want the best for her.

In another book, the main character would have found a cliched happy ending – meeting the love of her life or inheriting a fortune or adopting a dog or opening a bakery. It’s to Attenberg’s credit that she keeps the story realistic, but she also makes sure Andrea has hope.

As Andrea says at her birthday party, “To my great surprise I am still alive on this planet. And that’s what we toast to -- to still being alive.”